it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
