i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
