Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
