i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
