I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
