On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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