porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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