I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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