Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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