you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
