I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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