it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Quick, to the slutcave!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
