Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
