Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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