I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Damn victory sex feels great
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
