just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
