I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
