No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
