she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
