Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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