i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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