do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
