I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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