i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
