you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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