Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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