you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
