Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
