Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
