u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
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