Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
