Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass

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(818): View more from California

I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

oh fat girl friday strikes again...

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(708): View more from Illinois

He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.

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(256): View more from Alabama

My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.

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(513): View more from Ohio

The air taste purple.

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