i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize