I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
