oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You made out with two different species that night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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