At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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