it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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