I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
