paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We smell like vodka and hangover
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