Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
