Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
