My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
