White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
