Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
