I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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