At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
