I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
