girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
