You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
