There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
