Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
