We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
