So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
