you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
