Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize