im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
