i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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