Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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