i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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