my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
