Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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