I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
