i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
