I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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