You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
