I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize