Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
