They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize