You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This can only be settled by a dance off.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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