we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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