i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
